I write because I can not scream

The walls around me make me fear that my presence will be known

My voice will be lost to the sands of time if I attempt it

I write because screaming should be reserved for heavy moments

But I struggle everyday so isn’t that enough?

I’m attempting to be human again

My attention elsewhere

My bookmarks piling up like the sand in a hourglass

I write because I can

I love because I can

I cherish my every moment when i can reconnect with myself

A self that im still learning to love and care for

I write because i need to get my thoughts out, on paper, on computer on any surface I deem suitable enough to rest my tired words on

I need to stop being afraid

I’ve achieved so much in these last few months

Uprooting my life, gaining new experiences and learning how to be better to myself every day

I write so I don’t forget

I write so I can feel something again

Image after image, video after video keep me satiated but I feel an emptiness

Is it my need to express myself

My fear of getting too deep and uncovering my toxic self, the one I keep under wraps until I become unraveled myself

I write so I can keep track of who I am

Who am I?

A lover, a liar, a waste of space

A toxic yet loyal friend

Why do I change myself for people who prefer me one way or the other

I need to be me

But who is she

I write to analyze, to hold myself under the microscope

I am kind, thoughtful and sweet

But manipulative and careless when it benefits me

I don’t wish to be that person anymore

I want to be truthful no matter how much it hurts

I write to document, to keep track of me

I am kind

I am loved

I will be stronger