I see him and I don’t feel different from before but when I’m alone, I miss him
But I don’t miss him
I miss what I used him for
I want to text him
I want to say
Hey let’s try again, please
I miss you, let’s hang out
I want to do it again
He would just respond with
This isn’t good for you or
No, that’s not a good idea
You need to get over me, you deserve better, you’ll find someone better
I don’t think I can, I whispered that night, clutching myself tighter
I’m on my own again, amongst even numbers and I’m sad
I miss him
It’s selfish
I only want him as a warm body and he knows,
he knows that we’ll use each other and it’s not healthy for us
We deserve better people
We were never lovers, just two people who wanted to fuck to destress
Not to test the waters
Or ruin our friendship
Or give in to temptation
Just willing, warm bodies on a cold Friday night
My anxiety and lust was at an all-time high but I was just happy that I had him as close as I dreamt of for months on end
Streetlights were blurring by when he asked why me
I didn’t have a real answer
I find you attractive, dark hair, light eyes, tall nose, you’re mean but also nice-
I’m not mean, I’m blunt
Same difference. You make my brain stop thinking irrationally, it’s nice to not think for once
Why him
He made me feel desired and wanted in the same way I did
He made me feel like a woman
I wanted to date him at first but we clash too much, not similar
I got over it but then he became more attractive and so did I, in his eyes
Lustful filled looks and heart racing teases.
He pulled me in and I let him, I longed for his hands on me
And I finally got it
I wonder if I’ll break no contact or if he will
Maybe I’ll give it three more months like last time or should I really drop him for good?
I know I deserve better but I want it easy
I don’t want to struggle anymore
dreamscape 