I was the last born child, making my family five
My high school, now adult, friend group became five
My friend group I made from work became five with a recent addition
I always end up being the fifth wheel out, two pairs per roller coaster cart
Tables only being able to accommodate 4 chairs without discomfort
Walking down a path, I’m always up ahead, an attempt to hide my sadness over having to keep myself company in my own mind
Or way behind since I get left behind as everyone else walk ahead
Always forgotten until I’m needed
Mom and Dad, Big Bro and Big Sis and me
Aries, Aries, Gemini, Sagittarius, and me
Margaret, Mordecai, Rigby, Raven, and me
It’s a certain kind of loneliness one gets used to, but wish it didn’t
Creating imaginary partners so group trips won’t be lonely
Done it for so long that it’s normalized; it’s a given that I do it
I complain but who am I to say that?
They’re closer to each other than I am to them now so I don’t get to complain
I isolated, disappeared, socially died
I have to swallow the pill I created
It’s okay until it isn’t but who truly cares about me?
I don’t
I’m just useful when I’m needed
I’m James Madison, father of the constitution
Only used when needed to solve an issue
I’m forgotten more than I would like to be and I hate being acknowledged
There’s no winning the internal war I’ve created within myself so I have to suffer alone
I’ve done it for 23 years so what’s another minute, another hour, another day?
Nothing will change because I’ve convinced myself that I can’t change
dreamscape 