Real life isn’t like the fanfiction we read.
Crying out into a void to see if your crush hears it and coming to your rescue won’t happen.
Being yourself won’t entice them to talk to you.
Having a friend who is always up for an adventure and going out of your way to experience something new won’t end with your reddened cheeks as you look across the way to them, and them, blushed cheeks as well.
No first days of class, or mistaken identity,
Clumsiness or connections through friends,
Only one-sided love, and many gazes that they never notice.
Your hope for love stemmed from your need to be loved, to be known, to be heard,
to escape this bubble you made for yourself when you were younger.
Your hope to find love begins with a friend that is like you in most ways, leads to a secret note, a fight, and ends with heartbreak.
It continues with a crush on an old friend, a reconnection from the past. The feeling makes you want to die inside, every time you see them, your heart hurts with wanting them to be yours; to tell you everything’s going to be okay and kiss all of your pain away. It ends with a softer heartbreak but it hurts just the same as the last.
The next crush is your first one of this kind that has you confused: was it only loving in a deep friendship or something more? Like the first, you had a lot in common, but they were already in love with someone else. You knew, deep in your heart, that you would rather have them be happy with them than with you. They are perfect for each other in every way. Your hope for love has been paused but every now and then, when you see something that reminds you of them, your heart hurts a bit. It would be nice if they saw you the same way and accepted your feelings, but your friendship isn’t worth risking it all over a crush, even if you love them.
Your current crush is no one, knowing that there’s no chance someone can like someone like you.
Too excitable and “so cute”.
Too weird with references,
Simply not seen as dateable.
You hoped that now you would find someone but it’s not possible. Everyone is in a relationship, leaving you to feel so alone, only with dark thoughts keeping you company. Everyone you thought was cute or hot is dating someone who is as sweet as them when they say that they’re dating.
So what do you do when everyone is in a beautiful relationship? When you’re left alone?
You resort to reading fanfictions: established relationships, friends to lovers, first-time meeting, coincidental meetings; anything to create a pseudo feeling of being in love just like the protagonists.
It’s fun but there’s always that small part of you that wishes you can have that, to have love reciprocated.
To go on adventures with them, kiss in the rain, cuddle, go on a midnight fast food run, but it’ll never happen.
So you stay home, lay in bed, and keep reading because it’s the only way to feel at least a bit of affection even if it only lasts for as long as you keep scrolling.
dreamscape 